O tanoeiro do vale. O estrabismo entre dois picos. Invisível e na frente de nossos narizes o tempo todo…

December 25, 9 P.M.

Believe the extension cord has some severe limitations. One, I cannot travel more than 75 ft. from the house, which will limit my investigations. Two, it draws attention to itself in a way that can be dangerous. I think a battery pack of some kind is the solution, and tomorrow will visit Simms’ Hardware to find the answer. Dad said that words are tools, and that tools should be taken care of or else you won’t drive a straight nail. Dad says a lot of things I don’t understand.

This is the end of Christmas Day. My presents this year were the following: underwear, socks, corduroy pants, insect field guide, five dollars from my grandmother, and a Norelco B2000 tape recorder, which is not a toy. Signing off, this is Dale Cooper.”

According to Mr. Simms, each battery will last 3 hours. I bought 3 with the money my grandmother sent, which she thinks I am putting aside for college.”

December 27, 3 A.M.

Mom just left my room because I had an asthma attack. When I can’t breathe I sometimes just lie there and think that I’m dead and float away as she is rubbing my chest with VapoRub. I might not be able to go outside tomorrow if it’s cold because of my lungs.”

She said that she was alone on a field when thousands of birds filled the sky, blocking out all of the light. That’s when she always wakes up. Mom says we can see things in our dreams that we can’t see when we’re awake. I asked her what she thought the dream meant but she just smiled and said it was nothing . . . I’m glad I have the recorder and someone I can always talk to.

I have never seen a dead person. I think I would like to, but not right now because I want to close my eyes and not think about being dead.”

January 1, 1968, 10 A.M.

Bradley Schlurman’s Stingray was stolen by members of the 24th Street gang yesterday. Two clues point to them. One, Bradley saw them as they knocked him off his bike. Two, they said this bike now belongs to the 24th Street gang. The police have been called but so far they have come up empty. I have decided to take the case myself with the aid of my tape recorder. If I can follow them and get one of them on tape talking about the bike, I believe I will crack the case. I have not told Bradley this because he has locked himself in his room and will not come out.”

The 24th Street gang stole my tape recorder. My plan was working just as I had hoped. I followed the suspect for a block but was unable to get a confession on tape. I then attempted to fool the gangsters into believing that I would like to join the gang. It was at that point that they noticed the potatoes in my pack and began taking them. When they saw my tape recorder, they grabbed that and threw the potatoes at me as I ran for cover. For two days it was in the hands of the gang. And today was recovered by police when they arrested them for stealing a car outside the Band Box Theater. I have decided that if I am going to ever fight crime again, I must be better prepared. The recorder is undamaged. Dad has checked it and says that it is A-okay. He also said that he was very proud of me fighting against the gang, but that I should use better disguises than potatoes. I also discovered that you cannot record through a glove. There is still no sign of Bradley’s bike.”

Dear Mr. Zimbalist,

Like your show very much, also like Hawaii Five-O and The Wild, Wild West. Because I sunburn very easily, I don’t think being a policeman in Hawaii would be a very good idea for me.”

Noticed this morning that my pee smells like the asparagus we had for dinner. Wonder why this does not happen when I eat a hamburger. Also this morning Mom was very quiet around the breakfast table. I think she had another dream about the birds in the sky. This dream seems to frighten her and I do not know why.”

At exactly 7:05 P.M. today I became a member of the Boy Scouts of America and immediately began my studies for my first merit badge. I expect with hard work I can attain the level of Eagle Scout in two years, far ahead of the average time required for most Scouts.”

I had not been in a girl’s room before, and did not stay long when Marie asked if I knew about breastfeeding. I do not understand why Marie seems interested in me except that she is bigger and stronger and can probably beat me in a wrestling match so is not afraid of me.”

I read in a science book that electricity is what keeps us alive. I do not understand where it comes from and where it goes when we are dead. Dad said that was the big question, and that he did not know the answer. Neither do I.”

Have just finished reading about Sherlock Holmes in The Hound of the Baskervilles. I believe Mr. Holmes is the smartest detective who has ever lived, and would very much like to live a life like he did. It is the Friends School belief that the best thing one can do in life is to do good rather than do well. I believe that in Mr. Holmes I see a way to accomplish this.”

April 4, 8 P.M.

Martin Luther King was assassinated today in Memphis, Tennessee. He was shot in the neck while standing on the balcony of a motel. I was in the car with Dad when the news came over the radio. He said shit. The first time I have ever heard him say that word. We then drove home and watched the news on the TV with Mom. There are riots in many places. I believe that the FBI must be on the trail of the man who killed him, and that they will catch him. I wish I was older. And that I knew more than I do.”

April 19, 4 P.M.

Turned fourteen today. Mom and Dad gave me a Timex watch. submerged it in bathtub for 15 minutes and it still ticks.”

June 6, 3:30 A.M.

Dad woke me up, telling me Bobby Kennedy had been shot in Los Angeles. Dad is still downstairs sitting in front of the television, waiting to hear if Bobby is alive. On the radio they played a tape of the shooting recorded by a reporter. You can hear the pop of the gunshots, then people yelling, <Get the gun, get the gun.>

She then kissed me on the lips, moving her tongue around inside my mouth in what I think was a clockwise motion. Then her eyes filled with tears and she turned and ran down the block out of sight.”

Dear Mr. Hoover,

Have made a decision today to become an FBI agent at earliest possible date. I am presently 14 years old, and on road to becoming Eagle Scout by 15. Have never broken any laws, though if you look into my records you will discover that I was recently caught audio-taping a girls’ sex education class while hidden in a heating vent. Do not feel this should be held against me, for my intent was purely scientific, and not for personal gain. Would like very much to come and meet you and discuss any experiences you may have had with audio tapes yourself.

Yours truly,

Dale Cooper”

Had a dream in the middle of the night that frightened me a great deal. A man who I have never seen was trying to break into my room. He kept calling my name and said that he wanted me. He then screamed, and after a moment it turned into a kind of roar as if he were some kind of animal. I told Mom about it and she said that she knew about <him>, and that she has the same dream, and that I must never let the man into my room. I don’t understand what it means. My chest hurts a great deal. I think I will go to sleep now. I am very tired.”

February 28, 7 A.M.

Have noticed that with great frequency I am waking up with an erection. Understand this to be part of the dream process in all mammals. Find it interesting that there is a part of the body that I seem to have no control over, which can be embarrassing when it happens at school. I have discovered, though, that by thinking very intently about Disneyland, I can suppress an erection with some success.”

It is interesting that Marie is the only girl I have ever seen naked and I can remember almost nothing of it. Our families are going to get together and watch the landing and moon walk.”

Marie smiled. I didn’t understand it until I saw men walking on the moon, but I believe God has a plan for everyone, and we are part of it. Do you understand, Dale?

I said that I thought I did.

Are you sure, Dale?

I said I was.

So am I, said Marie.

She then picked up my hand in hers and hit the nail on the head. Pray with me, Dale.

There are moments in a person’s life that you dream about and hope for. This turned out not to be one of those moments. For 2 hours we lay there together holding hands. Marie’s eyes closed in prayer. Mine opened in bewilderment.”

Wonder if I’m condemned to forever be a virgin. This situation must take full priority right behind achieving Eagle status.”

I do not know why I shot the bird. At the moment I squeezed the trigger it seemed that the only two things in the world were the crow and myself. And now there is just me.”

Have traveled 6 miles on foot so far, 170 to go. Have had no experiences to speak of yet. Believe it is about to rain.”

Am at the Post and Beam restaurant on Route 487. Cannot describe the taste of warm cherry pie to a wet and weary traveler. Have also had my very first cup of coffee, and my second. My feet seem to tingle [formigar] and are very agitated. I feel like running very fast while screaming like an Indian.”

Star is outside asleep on a rock. Was going to tell April that I am a virgin and that any help in this matter would be greatly appreciated, but before I could she took off all her clothes and went outside to chase fireflies. I attempted to follow but stepped on a stick and cut my foot several steps from the tepee [tenda]. Could do nothing but watch as her naked body ran off into the field, chasing bugs. Lost sight of her as she caught her first fly. Have dressed and cleaned the foot wound. Expect full recovery. Do not know when or if April will return. Have found a bottle of raspberry [framboesa] brandy in the van and have filled my camp cup.”

DALE: Speak right into there.

ALLEN: The sun is dying. I travel all over this state and not one person realizes that the sun is dying and that time as we know it is coming to an end, everything we do is of no importance, and not one person seems to want to do a goddamn thing about it. Art, books, television, religion – none of it matters. What we need to start doing is planning to live without our bodies once the sun craps out on us. But no one wants to talk about it. I’ve got a plan, but no one wants to listen. They would rather just walk around and pretend the sun is going to come up tomorrow just like it did today. And where do you think all those people are going to be when Mr. Sun doesn’t come up? In trouble, that’s where they are going to be, but not me. Not Allen K. Boyle. I got a plan. . . .”

Mom had another dream last night. She said that he almost got in the door. Dad has been very busy printing maps of the moon. I asked him about the dreams and he said it was something I probably understood better than he did. I don’t, and am worried.”

The doctors said it was a brain aneurysm. They operated to relieve the pressure and now we are just waiting to find out what happens.

Dad said that she had gotten up about 11:30 to get a glass of water and take an aspirin. He asked her if she was feeling all right and she said, <Oh, you know.>. She didn’t say anything else, just that. <Oh, you know.> I don’t understand, and I hate hospitals.”

An aneurysm is a permanent abnormal blood-filled dilatation of a blood vessel resulting from disease of the vessel wall. It isn’t that bad.”

Dad is going to have her cremated. I never finished my civics paper. Marie came over. Started to tell me something about Mom being with God and I told her if she said one more word I’d knock her goddamn teeth out.”

I wish my brother Emmet could come, but if he crosses the border he will be arrested. Dad talked to Emmet on the phone and told him he understood why he couldn’t come back. I wish I understood. Bradley said Emmet was a coward and that was why he was in Canada. I smacked Bradley”

Mom is on her way to the ocean. Small grayish pebbles [seixos]. We each took a handful and tossed them into the water. They sank and then the current started to take them along, bouncing across the bottom. Saw a small perch eat one and then spit it out. A crayfish [lagostim] picked up another one in its claw and walked away with it into the deep water.”

Mom has been gone for over 3 months now. Don’t know what Dad would have done without the moon map business. He talks of little else but the moon now. Spends each night before going to bed on the roof with a telescope looking into the sky, drawing pictures of craters.”

Our first assignment is to write a sonnet. I told her that I have never liked or understood poetry. She said that she would do her best to change that, then she walked away.”

She then read a D. H. Lawrence poem, Gloire de Dijon, to the class, and kept her eyes on me the whole time. Unfortunately, I only remember the last few lines:

…She stoops to the sponge, and her swung breasts

Sway like full-blown yellow

Gloire de Dijon roses. … [bonita flor]

Had an erection throughout Mr. Hord’s early American history class.”

Have finished my first poem. Am seeking a balance between the erotic and the sublime.

Alone in a tepee full of breasts

hovering above him like angels

He dreams of fireflies and pyramids

and stars sleeping on rocks.”

April suggested that poetry may not be my field of expertise.”

Am beginning to believe that she is only interested in sleeping with dead poets.”

Just awoke from a dream where I was visited by Mom. She was not the same as I remember her. She seemed to be younger, barely a woman. Her face was smooth and pale, her hair was long and fell onto her shoulders. She was trying to tell me something, but I was not able to hear her.

I woke to find myself clutching a small gold ring in my hand. I do not know where it came from, and am sure it was not there when I went to sleep.”

The ring is now locked in the drawer of my desk. Mom is dead, and it was only a dream. I will not believe this.”

The ring fits on my small finger as if it was made for it. However, it will remain in the desk until I remember where it came from.”

Found an old photograph in an album of Mom when she was a teenager. On her finger was the ring I found in my hand the other night. I asked Dad about it and he said that when they were first dating he remembers Mom wearing it. That it had been her father’s and that her mother had given it to her when he died.”

Have drunk 7 cups of coffee. Feel somewhat sick to my stomach. Am trying very hard not to think about raspberry brandy.

Started to yawn one time after another. Drank 3 more cups of coffee to perk me up. Feel like my feet want to crawl out of my ears.”

Was up to 207 when April leaned out of the window and asked what I was doing. I said that I was counting cracks in the sidewalk. She asked why. I said that I was not sure, that I was not sure of anything anymore. (…) I told her that I thought there were more than 207 cracks in her sidewalk, but that was as far as I’d gotten, but if she wanted a complete count, I would be glad to finish. She said thanks, but that it was not necessary.”

I told April how Mrs. Laudner had tripped on a crack in the sidewalk in front of her house, smashing her nose flat against her cheek, and now always looks like she’s walking sideways. A few minutes later I left after Mr. Hord talked about how George Washington’s wooden teeth disappeared after his death and then mysteriously were found 30 years later under his bed by a maid looking for loose change.”

There are those within the scouting world who say that the skill of tracking has outlived its time. I disagree. The ability to follow a trail is fundamental to understanding the world.”

Marie rose up out of the grass, unhooked her bra, and slid it down off her arms. Although I do not actually remember doing it, at that time I apparently removed my clothes. We then stood inches apart, her breasts touching my chest.

Do you believe in God?, asked Mary.

I said I most certainly did. She smiled, kissed my chest, then slid her tongue all the way down to my penis and took it into her mouth.

The explosion that followed was unlike any I have ever experienced before. The rocket landed within 30 yards and exploded with a concussion that knocked me over. Then smaller clusters began exploding and streaming into the air. I believe at that point Mary stopped sucking and began screaming.”

Few forces in nature are as frightening as fire. Particularly when one is naked. The battle that followed lasted for almost an hour. What is left of my pants could hardly make a handkerchief. The hope that Marie had run off to get help was a false one. With only my clothes as weapons, the fire and I fought a running battle up and down the clearing from one hot spot to another. I lost my shirt to a small spruce, Marie’s to a blueberry bush, and most of my pants to a large clump of grass. Believe Marie’s socks and bra were also victims because I was not able to locate them after the flames were out.”

I lied last night. I do not believe in God, at least one who isn’t actively working against me.”

Received news today that Marie drowned this morning at Promised Land Lake. She apparently hit her head while diving off the swimming platform. She was alone at the time, so there was no one there to know she was in trouble. When they found her it was too late.”

What is good either dies or is killed.”

Thanks for saving my sneakers was the last thing I will ever hear her say.

Sure thing, I said back to her.”

Don’t forget your civics homework.”

Talked with Dad for much of the night. Both agreed that change is needed, or I will lose my marbles. Dad always seems to find the right words. Told him that I feel very guilty because I was not in love with Marie and that she might be alive if I had been.”

Have decided not to take along the tape recorder, it would not be practical, and I do not feel the need of its companionship, if that is what it has provided for the last several years. Will stop on the way out of town at Marie’s grave to leave a note and the small glass pyramid April gave me. Have also made some calculations. Expect that by the time I cross my first ocean, the lightest of Mom’s ashes will be drifting out to sea.”

The following letters are the only clues as to his whereabouts for those 3 years.”

(Three very brief and superficial letters.)

April 19, 1973, 9 P.M.

(…) Will make no attempt to record the events of the last 3 years, other than to say the whole universe is one bright pearl, and there is no need to understand it.”

Awnings seem to be declining in popularity. Trust and elm trees are disappearing. And J. Edgar Hoover is dead. Do not know whether any or all of these events are related.”

I must admit that my experience of the past several years does not lend itself to the belief that good can or will defeat evil. This is not a pessimistic view, but simply an observation of facts as I have experienced them.”

Have gotten a job digging holes for trees to be planted in. Could not be happier.”

The firemen were just mopping up. Jim’s room and several of the surrounding ones were gone. The firemen said the place went up like a torch. There was little they could do but stop it from spreading to the entire building. Jim’s body was not found in the room, and no one saw him leave the building. The firemen suspect that the heat was so intense from all the paper that only a forensic examination of the room will turn up any remains.

I do not believe they will find any. As I stood watching the firemen wrap up their hoses, the shadow of a man became faintly visible for an instant in an alley across the street. I then detected what I thought to be the muffled sound of a crying. I moved through the crows toward the alley and soon realized as I drew closer and closer that it was not crying at all, but laughter. When I reached the alley it was empty. I called out, searched up and down to no avail. All that was there was a freshly sharpened pencil where the laughter had come from. A message, I suspect.”

The owner of the circus pointed out that anyone who would write a letter seeking employment from a circus was probably not the kind of person they were looking for. He also said that he was plumb full of knife throwers already and was only looking for a bearded lady at the moment.”

Dad went on at some length that Lincoln would not have wanted to be remembered as a large piece of granite hanging on the side of a mountain with rain dripping off his nose.”

Dad gave me a new tape recorder that is the size of a notebook and used cassettes of tape rather than reels. He told me to work hard and not believe a damn thing anyone tells me.”

While I have experienced a number of mind-altering fungi and natural fauna used by what we refer to as primitive cultures, never have I witnessed a tribal display of debauchery that could hold a candle to a large group of 18-year-old Americans away from home for the first time.”

I retreated to the relative quiet of my room and read the writing of a monk who lived alone on a mountaintop for 37 years in search of a deeper understanding of the world. His main conclusion, when he came down, was that you can see very far on top of a mountain unless it is cloudy. Imprisoned for his radical ideas, he died several years later in jail. The only writing from this time period that survived is the line: There are no clouds in a prison.”

I was not prepared for the fact that women as a general rule are wild savages. At least those that are studying philosophy.”

Woke from a dream. I was sitting in a darkened room. There was a door with light coming through a crack. On the outside I could hear voices. One, I thought, was my mother’s. The other was indistinct. I believe it was death. She was attempting to open the door and walk back into the room. The door handle began to turn. I heard her call my name and I realized that it was not my mother but Marie. I heard her say <Please, I’m not ready>, then her voice grew fainter and fainter until it was gone. I wish Marie was at peace, but I do not think she is at this time, and I wonder what it is that she knows that those in the physical world can never understand.”

What I felt at that time I now realize was more than terror or shock. I firmly believe that the killer was within striking distance of myself, and could easily have claimed me as his second victim. This is not intuition. The presence of the killer was as real as the shaking in my hand at this moment. I do not understand the dark forces that result in so much brutality. But I now know that it is a real thing. And is out there at this very moment. I must find someone who can help me to understand and fight this. But who?”

I am back in my rooms. If it is true that dreams are the window into the subconscious, then I fear mine is a troubled place. While judgment is certainly questionable when suffering from a 103-degree fever, I nonetheless find myself believing that it was not merely infection that attacked my body, but somehow the evil that took the life of the young woman and was in striking distance of taking mine.

Does this evil exist in as tangible a form as, say, a germ? Does it float as a feather would on the currents of air that bring life to this world; moving in and out of all our lives, and occasionally taking root on unfortunate souls? If that is true, then the battle that took place within my body was not viral in origin, but a struggle for my very soul.”

I am therefore going to attempt to establish two things. First, the duration for which my body can function effectively without sleep. And second, the minimum amount of sleep required to sustain a high level of operation. Log entries will be made on the hour beginning now.”

The intake of stimulants of any kind would render the exercise useless, so I have decided to forgo coffee for the sake of scientific accuracy. No greater sacrifice has ever been made before in the name of science.”

God spelled backward is dog. Believe the test pattern used in television is similar in its ability to clear the mind to a spinning Tibetan prayer wheel. Last hour completed 50 push-ups in 60 seconds. Aside from slight heaviness in the eyelids, feel tip-top.”

[Mais de 26h acordado] Feel alert, strong, and fit. Am beginning to think that sleep is much overrated.”

I never liked the name Dale. Always wish I had been born an Apache and named Ten Sticks. Why, I do not know.”

Am beginning to think that the controlled chaos that I see around me now in the streets is much more orderly than nature unchained.”

Why is it you can never find a policeman when you need one? I must keep moving.”

Think I may reconsider my major in anthropology.”

It should be noted that the difference between a street celebration and a protest may appear small on the surface. However, when one is approaching a mounted policeman to ask for assistance, I would advise the questioner to be sure of the intentions of the group surrounding him.

As the words <I’ve been robbed> left my mouth, a column of mounted policemen charged toward me without any intention of offering assistance at all.”

As I understand it, Betty has died from her wounds. What was it that she was feeling when she said <I’m free>? Was it the same presence that I sensed when I found the murdered woman? Is there a beast? I do not know, and how does one fight it?” “This may be the greatest puzzle I have and will ever face.”

Have the distinct impression that Howard has plans to chemically alter his mind. Should also note that I believe President Nixon is conspiring in a cover-up and that the path he has taken can lead only to impeachment.”

There are two things I believe my life is beginning to point toward and focus on. The existence of good. And that of evil. These appear to be the two most important fundamental questions affecting daily life. The question, then, is how does one engage these two opposing forces? Evil is something that I seem to have had no trouble at all engaging. Good, and the form it takes, is a more elusive quest.”

The pursuit of good, when combined with raging hormones, is a powerful force indeed.”

Have never before danced naked with a large group of strangers. I, in general, would endorse it as an icebreaker to the shy and reserved of the world. I met several very nice women who wrote their phone numbers on my thigh with a Magic Marker. Though it is strange that I don’t seem to remember what any of them looked like naked. Where was it, I wonder, that I was looking? I seem to remember a breast here, a knee there, a foot, a shoulder, a neck. But none of them seem to add up to one entire body.”

A strange man stands outside of my building, looking up at my window. He appears to be painted blue. Am not sure what it is that he wants.”

For some reason, the management of the casinos has asked me not to come back to their tables ever again. They seem to be under the impression that the technique of card counting is a form of cheating and were in no mood to accept my argument that it was a simple form of mathematics.”

Woke in the middle of the night with a terrible sense of loss. Am not sure, but I wonder if it could be connected to the fact that my old bedroom at my father’s house has been turned into a pottery studio by Charlotte.”

Not even a large piece of pie and a cup of coffee down at the Lunch Pal restaurant could lift this fog. Studies seem of little use. Need a change.”

The tapes for the next 9 months were destroyed in a fire that started when an electric blanket ignited.” – 1975

Will miss very much the tape Howard and his girlfriend made of themselves making love as Nixon gave his resignation speech. It is a moment in history that I would have liked to have in my collection.”

Am attempting to discover how long an individual can function normally without urinating while consuming a normal amount of liquid. Will now drink 6 ounces of hot coffee.”

5 horas e algumas xícaras de café depois: “Seem to have reached a plateau.” Resistiu mais 5h08. “Urination lasted a full 2 minutes. Can safely say that they were the 2 most satisfying minutes I have ever spent in my short life. If it were not for the pain inflicted on oneself to reach the 10-hour mark, I would highly recommend it as a substitute for sex.”

The precise cause and nature of the fire that erupted in the garage at that exact moment is still under investigation by the fire marshal.”

It is difficult to describe the feeling that comes over an individual when he discovers that his girlfriend is an arsonist. While I admit to having had some suspicions at the time of the blaze, one is never quite prepared for meeting this kind of truth head-on. I believe it was Holmes who said that truth is often arrived at by 2 roads pointing in very different directions.” Visited Lena today. She seemed cheerful, happy, and for the most part normal. We talked for about 30 minutes about a wide variety of topics. Would have felt much better about the visit if she could have remembered who I was.” “I do not understand what it is about the choices I have made with women but they all seem to have been disasters.”

Three severed fingers were found in the biology building this morning. They appear to belong to a man, probably engaged in manual labor given the hair, calluses, and dirt under the fingernails. Was able to examine them for a number of minutes before the police arrived to handle the investigation.”

As I’m sitting here in my room, I find that a fire has been rekindled in me that was lost over the past several years. Spent over an hour with a special agent at the FBI booth. His name is Windom Earle, a man of uncommon intelligence. After talking with him I now believe I may have been looking to understand evil intellectually as a substitute for confronting it head-on.”

Am going to attempt to look up several of the members of the 24th Street gang that stole my tape recorder when I was 13 as a way of tracking their development. Have located the 1st individual working at a garage not far from their old hangout. Will visit him tomorrow.”

Feel myself totally focused. Find that sex is entering my thoughts only 3 or 4 times a day instead of the normal hourly preoccupation.”

All systems go. Report to the FBI Academy in Quantico, Virginia, the 1st of September [1977]. Will use the intervening time to go into the Poconos to prepare myself in body and spirit.”

Was right about John’s marksmanship abilities. He and the instructor almost outpointed me with the pistol in the standing combat position until I realized the weapon I was using had a defect in the way the bullet rotated in the barrel. Adjustments were made and I completed the round with 6 straight bull’s-eyes.”

There is no more focused mind than the one that has created its own reality. And for that reason, it is the insane criminal who is to be feared more than any other. There is no gray area in madness. It is an absolute form of twisted truth.”

The firing of a machine gun is a sobering experience.”

There is one woman in the class. A person of great drive, beauty, and excellent marksmanship. She, Robin, is to be my partner in a simulated raid during a hostage situation tomorrow.”

Never again can I allow my guard to be lowered because of personal weakness on my part.”

Had a turkey dinner of what I think was gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and a green thing the best minds of the FBI could not identify.”

Disappointed that I was not able to bring anyone to justice on my first day. I have been assigned a secretary. Her name is Diane. Believe her experience will be of great help. She seems an interesting cross between a saint and a cabaret singer.”

Selected tapes throughout Agent Cooper’s FBI career have been subject to censoring for reasons of security.”

Diane, I hope that you will not mind that I address these tapes to you even when it is clear that I am talking to myself. The knowledge that someone of your insight is standing behind me is comforting. The Roe house is quiet now. We wait for the phone call that we know must be coming.”

Diane, please make a note to the procurement division about the coffee they now supply the Bureau with. Until coming to this office I had never met a bean I didn’t like. I can only wonder what hellhole of a government surplus warehouse they unearthed this blend from, and what war it was captured in.”

There are 3 bodies, Diane. All appear to be female between the ages of 16 and 30. The cause of death is as yet undetermined. Whatever could have done this, Diane, I can’t imagine was entirely human.” “The recognition that evil exists as an entity outside our understanding of life is not official policy of the Bureau.” “The file on this case remains active; all tapes pertaining to it have been withheld.”

Windom has invited me to his house tomorrow for dinner and a game of chess.” I have much to learn about the game of chess. Windom beat me in 7 moves. His wife, Caroline, is a remarkable woman. During a private moment together she told me about the first time Windom was forced to use his weapon, and that she hoped I would not let it affect my life the way it did Windom’s. I wonder what she meant.”

I believe I have encountered my first real mystery without a solution. How do they get the little snowflakes inside paperweights?”

Diane, found Windom’s car. He is nowhere to be seen. Am moving into an abandoned building. . . . I have a very bad feeling about this (…) Diane, at the top of the stairs I’ve found Windom’s wallet and ID”

I am standing in the shadows of a crane. Below, half submerged in the river, is the barge. In the faint moonlight two white items are visible in the center. . . . They are hands severed at the wrists like the others. There is a difference, however. One holds a small black square of cardboard, the other a white square, the significance of which I do not know at this time. What kind of game is being played out here, Diane?”

Is my dream connected somehow to this? A legless man telling me I cannot run from It. Corpses without hands. The abyss, and wonderful things.”

La Casa El Corazón. The house of the heart. (sic) Windom and Caroline spent their honeymoon here. A step into the past. From my balcony I look down onto the warm waters of the Caribbean. An old man sits playing chess in the courtyard. Windom told me of an old man who taught him all he knew of the game. If this is the same man, he must be 100 years old if a day.”

Caroline Earle has been kidnapped. According to my estimation, the abduction took place at the same time I found myself falling under the influence of the narcotic. How there could be a connection between events 1,500 miles apart I do not know. (…) Perhaps it is the Tibetan notion that there is no such thing as unrelated events, that everything is connected.”

Caroline smiled tonight, and held my hand. Windom seemed very pleased.”

Caroline woke with a terrible scream. I ran into the room and found Windom standing over her, speaking in soft, gentle tones. She said she saw the face of the man, that he was still coming after her, and that she knew she was going to die. However, she could not identify the man.”

Windom has decided not to remain at the safe house. He feels that his continued presence serves only to impede Caroline’s progress.”

I do not know what I will tell Windom when he arrives here in the morning. Aside from the fact that it would be useless to try, I can and will not lie to him.”

She had seen the face of the man who had taken her”

I have been stabbed . . . unconscious . . . Caroline is dead . . . Caroline is dead . . . Forgive me.”

Cooper made only two recordings over the next 6 months. His whereabouts during this time are not clear.”

February 1, 1980, 12 PM.


Windom Earle was insane long before the events of that terrible night, and is guilty of the attack on me, and the murder of his wife. I cannot prove this, for he is far too brilliant an opponent, but I am sure of it in my heart.”

Gordon and I both agreed that remaining in Pittsburgh would not be to my benefit or the Bureau’s. Gordon has really gone to bet for me. I will soon find out if the Bureau has the same confidence.”

Diane, pack your bags, we’re going to San Francisco.”

Diane, you won’t believe this, but I’ve just driven through a hole cut in a redwood tree. Never saw a tree like this in the eastern forests. These are the trees that legends are born from. Can’t imagine what a druid would have done if he was faced with this monster.”

The people in the lab have just identified the last remaining piece of evidence found on the last victim. A fiber found under one the toenails. It came from a carpet of a car. The color was blue, possibly from a Ford, though several makes use the same manufacturer.”

For the next 6 years Cooper remained in the counterintelligence division. If any tapes exist for that period of time, the FBI does not acknowledge it. The following <letters> to his father are the only pieces of audio released for these years.”

August 24, 9 A.M., 1987

Diane, I have spent 3 days with the people over at DEA now and I have yet to meet one person in a coat and tie. Also notice that they all seem to wear their body armor even when sitting in the office drinking coffee. They may be just the kind of people who can evaluate a new investigative technique I’m working on based on the writings of a Tibetan monk named Gumm.”

August 26, 10 A.M.

According to the results of my first substantial test of Gumm’s work, Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone on that fateful day in Dallas, and Jack Ruby [o assassino de Lee Harvey – morreu na prisão enquanto aguardava julgamento] is still alive and living in Peru. . . . This may need some more work yet.”

My counterpart in the DEA is an agent named Dennis Bryson. We leave for San Diego tonight”

I have not been to a dentist in 7 years.”

While I respect and admire the job the DEA does, I do not feel that I quite fit in with the cowboy esprit de corps that is prevalent in their ranks.”

Diane, looks like I’m going to be out of town for a while. There’s been a murder in a town in the southwest part of the state of Washington. The state authorities assume from the condition of the body that kidnapping was involved and have asked the Bureau to look into the case.”

Teresa Banks, no known next of kin, residence unknown, was found lying in a drainage ditch on the outskirts of town. Her naked body was wrapped in clear plastic and secured with duct tape. Appeared to have suffered numerous contusions to and about the head. The local coroner has determined the cause of death to be brain damage caused by a blow to the right temple area that fractured the skull. None of the other blows were severe enough to cause death. She had had sexual relations within the last 12 hours of her life.”

Diane, something appears to have been forced under the nail on the ring finger. It is quite deep. I am going to try to remove it. . . . It appears to have penetrated at least ¾ of the way under the nail. . . . just a little bit deeper. Chief, I think you might feel better if you stepped outside. . . . There, got it.

Diane, what we have is a small square of white paper with the letter T typed on it. (…) Diane, as Gordon thought, everything about this has the feel of a serial killing.”

Teresa Banks worked here for a period of no more than 3 weeks, and lived in one of the cabins that tourists rent down along the river.”

Bureau training does not cover or even acknowledge the existence of forces outside of the physical world. Nothing in Western thinking does.”

Had a very strange dream last night. I was dancing with a tiny little man, and a very beautiful young woman.”

Why do you think Bobby Fisher (sic) turned to God and gave up chess?

Answer: To get to the other side.


Windom Earle”

wiki: “After forfeiting his title as World Champion, Fischer became reclusive and sometimes erratic, disappearing from both competitive chess and the public eye. In 1992, he reemerged to win an unofficial rematch against Spassky. It was held in Yugoslavia, which was under a United Nations embargo at the time. His participation led to a conflict with the US government, which warned Fischer that his participation in the match would violate an executive order imposing US sanctions on Yugoslavia. The US government ultimately issued a warrant for his arrest. After that, Fischer lived his life as an émigré. In 2004, he was arrested in Japan and held for several months for using a passport that had been revoked by the US government. Eventually, he was granted an Icelandic passport and citizenship by a special act of the Icelandic Althing, allowing him to live in Iceland until his death in 2008.” “He was too good. There was no use in playing him. It wasn’t interesting. I was getting beaten, and it wasn’t clear to me why. It wasn’t like I made this mistake or that mistake. It was like I was being gradually outplayed, from the start. He wasn’t taking any time to think. The most depressing thing about it is that I wasn’t even getting out of the middle game to an endgame. I don’t ever remember an endgame. He honestly believes there is no one for him to play, no one worthy of him. I played him, and I can attest to that.” In a 1984 letter to the editor of the Encyclopaedia Judaica, Fischer demanded that they remove his name from future editions. In an interview in the January 1962 issue of Harper’s, he was quoted as saying, <I read a book lately by Nietzsche and he says religion is just to dull the senses of the people. I agree.> Fischer associated with the Worldwide Church of God in the mid-1960s. The church prescribed Saturday Sabbath, and forbade work (and competitive chess) on Sabbath.”  “<He idolized Hitler and read everything about him that he could lay his hands on. He also championed a brand of anti-semitism that could only be thought up by a mind completely cut off from reality.> Donner took Fischer to a war museum, which <left a great impression, since (Fischer) is not an evil person, and afterwards he was more restrained in his remarks—to me, at least.>” “A notebook written by Fischer contains sentiments such as <12/13/99 It’s time to start randomly killing Jews>. Despite his views, Fischer remained on good terms with Jewish chess players.”

Diane, I’ve never asked you this before, and as a general rule I try never to mix my private and public life, but I would consider it a great honor if you would consider having dinner with me. If this in any way crosses over a line that we have long ago set for our relationship, I will understand. If not, how does 8 o’clock sound?” “It occurred to me last night while in the middle of a very fine duck that I do not know Diane’s last name.”

I’m a time traveler, slipping in and out like an archaeologist, hoping I will find clues to forgotten secrets, or guideposts to future destinations. I find neither. You can no more hold the past in your hand than you can see tomorrow.”

I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, Diane, but in 1970 my father discovered a new crater on the moon [verified – Cooper crater exists!]. It’s called Cooper’s Crater, and you can just see it on the edge of the dark side’s shadow.”

In a nutshell, Diane, I am bored, and have not found a way to combat this malaise. Holmes used cocaine, an alternative I find unacceptable. What I need, what any detective needs, is a good case. Something to test oneself to the absolute limit. To walk to the edge of the fire and risk it all. (…) Is there any great cases anymore? (…) a John Dillinger, a Professor Moriarty? If I was to say that in my heart I hoped there was, then I should hang up my badge and gun and retire.”

February 24, 6 A.M.

There’s been a body found in Washington state, Diane. A young woman, wrapped in plastic. I’m headed for a little town called Twin Peaks.”

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